


The Trophy

by bigcatsandkatanas



Category: Breaking Bad
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-11-21
Updated: 2013-11-21
Packaged: 2018-01-02 06:00:15
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,800
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1053338
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bigcatsandkatanas/pseuds/bigcatsandkatanas
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jesse forgets Walt's birthday and tries to make up for it with a gift and a trip to the bar.  Pity stirs up some feelings Jesse hadn't been entirely aware of.  sorta AU</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Trophy

**Author's Note:**

> This takes place when Jesse gives Walt the watch. I got a wicked cool beta, so thanks to [ celeryy. ](http://archiveofourown.org/users/celeryy/profile)

The clatter of glass against glass, conversations going strong and passionate, it was all background noise to Jesse when he knocked back his beer as he watched Walt. Something had changed, definitely. Jesse was so unsure of himself these days, he might have judged him wrong, maybe projecting his own feelings onto him. Walt was cold, ok he was always cold, but he was more so. His eyes remained fixed on nothing, staring blankly through everyone. Was it really worth it asking him out because he felt obligated to? After all it had been his birthday, Jesse didn’t know about it but he still blamed himself for never asking. The idea never passed his mind, he wasn’t sure if he should pry, maybe he was overstepping his bounds.

“Everything ok,” Jesse managed to gasp before taking refuge in a large gulp.

“No. Nothing wrong.”

Ok so this was invasion of the body snatchers sort of weird. Jesse’s eyes grew wide, he tucked his hand in his jacket and nervously fumbled with the gift he had bought him. What could he get for the man who had everything? He had a hot milf for a wife, even though she was frightening when she was angry, kids that probably loved him, a nice house, friends he could talk to, everything Jesse would have ever wanted.  Add to that a remarkable talent for cooking meth and an unbridled intellect that he had never seen anyone else capable of having except for maybe…Gus.

Now he was staring at Walt too much, maybe he was starry eyed too, Jesse didn’t want that. He didn’t want to begin to explain it him much less himself so he took another drink.  “A-And your birthday party it went—“

“It went,” Walt cut him off and adjusted his pork pie hat, then shrugged robotically.

Some shit must have gone down. Again Jesse took a drink, his eyes even bigger than before.  

Once more he played with the watch, played with the idea of taking it out and handing it to him. It was such a simple gesture, it should have been no big deal but where on earth were the words? He couldn’t dream them up without sounding like a complete idiot. If his birthday had gone wrong maybe this would make it a degree better, but even that idea was a stretch. Why on earth would Mr. White even care? Jesse felt like he was just a small part of his life, just a piece that Walt would push into the backburner, more or less insignificant. He was used to it though, he was fine with it. But now for some reason he still wanted to let Mr. White know how appreciated he was, even if this affection he felt was one sided or not.

Unbalanced. It always felt unbalanced.

Waving at Walt to zone back, Jesse’s gaze met with his drooping green eyes and he weakly smiled, half-heartedly hoping it’d be reciprocated but it wasn’t.  Walt just looked like his thought process was interrupted, not exactly annoyed like he’d usually be but not all there.

“I ah- got you something. It’s real lame, I mean—like the receipt is in there if you wanna exchange it.”

What do you buy for the man who has everything? A watch. A nice watch. It caught Jesse’s eye while he was at the mall questioning why he was there in the first place. He certainly didn’t go there with the mindset that he was going to buy his anal retentive, asshole ex-teacher a present. Why would he?

Walt already had a watch though. Jesse had seen it but this one was way nicer, maybe it was a subtle way to remind Walt he had time, he bought time, hell—it was handed to him. So Jesse wasn’t going to pretend he was deep or profound or anything, he had spent the night before just staring at the damn thing wondering why.  It had something to do with time and something to do with Walt.  When he had the strength to look at the older man’s reaction, he was pleasantly surprised by what he saw.

He looked surprised. Mr. White actually looked surprised.

This made Jesse’s heart jump. He probably expected him to brush him off or casually insult it.

Reaching out to it Walt’s finger brushed against Jesse’s causing him to shiver unexpectedly.  If he didn’t know better he’d think Walt’s eyes were growing glossy as he blinked a couple of times and licked his lips, placing it on the bar counter.  “T-thanks Jesse.”

Finally he sounded human again, he even had a human color to his cheeks.

They didn’t exchange any other words but the atmosphere felt a lot less tense. They just finished their drinks and were off like it was just a business exchange rather than social. Walking past the alley way to their cars, Walt still remained silent his head hung low, saying no goodbyes, not even a grunt.  “You know I have everything right?” he spoke suddenly. 

Jesse stopped and looked like a deer in headlights with his hands deep in his pockets.  “Ah yeah—well, yeah man.”

“Everything I’ve ever wanted. I got this car. This car is my birthday present to myself,” Walt hit it with the flat of his palm hard making the younger man jump back.  Was he on the verge of a nervous breakdown?

Jesse found himself wishing that he wasn’t the one to see it.  He looked side to side to see if anyone had noticed and motioned for Walt to calm down, but he didn’t seem affected by the gesture. “I-It’s a nice car. You deserve a car,” he half expected an insult to his present coming soon, his hands shook and his heart thumped heavily.  Expecting the blow he dropped his head and looked down at the pavement, eyes darting about.

Randomly he heard Walt’s door shut, and from what he could make from the dark tinting of the windows he hid behind, he was cradling his face in his hands.  Going around the other side Jesse opened the door and let himself in. Like a frightened rodent when the light hit him Walt shuddered and wiped his eyes in an attempt to compose himself.  “What are you doing,” he cursed, embarrassed by Jesse seeing this side to him.   

“Yo, what is your problem Mr. White. Jesus,” he slammed the door behind him with that familiar irritated look in his eyes, concern somewhere in the mix.  Silence, Walt held his lips together shutting himself off completely.  “So it didn’t go well then,” Jesse stated out loud.

“T-the people—the people all around me…th-they,” Walt choked on his own words, hissing them out with hatred and frustration.  “I have done so much for them. So much,” he slammed his fist on the dashboard breathing heavily through his nostrils. 

So maybe everything wasn’t so perfect for Mr. White. 

His fingers shook and he stared at his hands in disbelief at how mad he must have looked but when he brought his gaze up at Jesse, the young man didn’t look a shred afraid. 

“You’ve done a lot for me,” Jesse muttered softly, the words weren’t as hard to say after all.  He shrugged bashfully, and rubbed his head, not exactly looking forward to Walt’s response.  “I—ah I-I’m thankful. If that’s something.”

Taking a deep breath Walt rested his hands on the steering wheel, seemingly not interested in acknowledging what Jesse had just said but it sank in. Jesse could see it in his eyes, that glazed look he had seen earlier, he leaned his head back into the car seat and rested his hands on his forehead massaging his temples. There was no thank you, Walt probably wasn’t capable of saying it.  It was his pride. His pride was the frustrating part sometimes when it came to emotional stuff,  not that Jesse was any better. Jesse rationalized that he said it not to get something out of it but just to get it out there, to remind Walt he wasn’t so alone, that he was appreciated by _someone_.

“I got a cake,” Walt drifted off, “It tasted like shit. She bought it from the store.”

Things just began to skip like a scratched up dvd, Jesse didn’t remember what he said or if he said anything. He was just overwhelmed by something, possessed by something, the same yearning he felt when he paid cash for the watch, the way he was sitting in his car holding it in his hands wondering why he bought it in the first place.  He just had this need, this need to please, to win the approval of this man, to make him happy and he clearly wasn’t.

Walt looked pitiful, Jesse could just see the silhouette of his profile shrouded in darkness.

“W-What? Jesse. What are you doing,” he heard Walt protest.  Blinking quickly Jesse realized he had his hand on Walt’s crotch, groping him fully through his beige Dockers, his palm rubbing it softly but firmly.  “…Jesse,” his voice softened, Jesse still didn’t look him in the eye, he looked away immediately. Self-conscious and a little bit ashamed but it didn’t deter him, he had already separated himself from the situation, lost somewhere in the abyss of this _thing_.

Walt raised his hands enough to let him unbutton his pants then drop his hand down them, Jesse leaning closer just to get a better angle.  It was uncomfortable with the limited amount of space he had to move around but Walt appreciated it, the way Jesse’s neck was so close to him, the way he could inhale his cologne, one that he recognized from whenever they’d cook together.

Letting out a gasp Jesse didn’t know what he was even surprised about, he should have known what he was looking for when he found it.  He could feel Walt looking at him now, his eyes burning a hole straight through him.  There were no no’s to be heard so Jesse continued on, unzipping enough and pulling it out, semi-erect, ready and willing. 

“Yeah,” Walt mouthed hoping for those blue eyes to look up at his own for once. 

For a split second they did but they darted back away, heavy breaths coming from the both of them.  They both looked confused about what exactly was occurring but determined that it was something they needed, not fretting much on the whys.

Spitting on his hand, Jesse began to jerk him off, biting his lip, with a sweet look on concentration on his face.  Walt looked down then back at Jesse, his hand reached out for his head and pulled him closer into a kiss.  It was stiff at first but Jesse took a deep breath and leaned in again with more certainty in his movements.  He smelled like the strong stuff—tasted like it too, strong liquor, Jesse had forgotten just what he drank, he had other things on his mind but Walt’s words didn’t slur, or at least not the spare ones he used.  This wasn’t soft, definitely not, it was undefinable really but it was good at the moment, Jesse could use more good in his life.  Smiling into the kiss he grew more comfortable, Walt stroked his chin, his beard rubbing up against his skin tickling him as he brought his face closer.

For a moment the rational side of Jesse protested to all of this. This was his ex teacher, the man who failed him in chemistry, the man who wouldn’t hesitate to call him an imbecile but despite this an irrational fear lingered in Jesse.  What if Walt was all he got now? With Andrea and Brock at a distance, who was next in his loyalties? No it wasn’t like that. There wasn’t this ranking system for the people he loved, he just felt like he had to keep on playing the moderator between them all.  Hoping Walt would get along with Mike, then also approve of Andrea.

His hand stopped moving along the older man’s shaft when Walt began to chuckle to himself.

“W-what,” asked the younger man, his eyes hazy. 

“I—I ah,” Walt shook his head side to side then looked out the window. “Last year my wife…she ah--,” he half wondered if it was even appropriate to talk about it but by then he realized he was beyond caring.  “She gave me a handjob and I couldn’t even get it up.”

Jesse furrowed his brow and then sighed, giving him another small kiss, cupping his face with his free hand.

“I want you to come here,” roughly Walt pulled at Jesse’s waist then started to pull off his jacket from the hem. Assisting him he removed his clothing still nervous that they might be caught.  What did Walt want with him, this was the most attention he had gotten in a long time.  “I want you on me,” demanded Walt.  Jesse nodded and tried to figure out how he’d go from point A to point B.  Crossing the barrier between them, he awkwardly got his foot caught on the stick shift but managed to climb onto Walt’s lap.  Straddling him, his back was hunched trying to get comfortable with the low ceiling of the Chrysler. 

With a curious look in his eyes Walt unzipped Jesse’s pants and pulled them low enough.  Jesse kissed Walt again feeling a thrill from being in this position, from feeling so exposed. He tried to pull up Walt’s shirt but he griped at him, shoving his hands off. “No you just naked. I just want you naked.”

He was starting to sound more and more like an asshole but Jesse didn’t fight back, this was probably Walt being in character for all he knew.  More than willing to oblige he followed his orders, after all this man had willingly risked his life for him, obedience was the best he could do to pay him back.  They returned to kissing, Walt running his hands up and down his white exposed back, first feather light touches that escalated to almost painful grasps, willing him to go closer to grind against him. Jesse exhaled into the kiss, his eyes bright as he found the strength to look straight into Walt’s tired dark greens.  Somehow it was liberating to not feel afraid when he felt he should have been.  He was looking straight into the sun, Walt’s expression changing from stern to absolute goo when Jesse took both their erections in hand and rubbed them together, giving small little thrusts with each stroke. Pulling Jesse’s loose jeans down more, Walt grasped at his ass, kneading it as his own hips slid up and off the leather interior. 

The car began to rock and the squeaky noises of their movements against the chair grew more and more unpleasant but neither had the mindset to just stop. They were being painfully obvious now about it but it didn’t seem to matter when they had the same outcome in mind.  One hand clinging onto seat, Jesse threw his head back and shut his eyes, he already felt warm semen in his hands Walt had been more silent when he came, Jesse didn’t even know it was before him.  Grasping onto the back of Walt’s neck as his own orgasm subsided, Jesse’s eyes shot open when reality set in.  Did he just?

Did he?

Absentmindedly he got off of Walt and wiped the jizz off on the car seat, then apologized.  Walt’s head was still in the stars as he stared at the roof, he could care less, his hat askew but still on.

Apologetically Jesse sat in his seat, as he adjusted his clothing before looking back at Walt.  “I can’t even—we can act like this didn’t happen.  And about the watch,” Jesse knew now that it’d just be a reminder of what had occurred, it should be thrown away just like this moment, “You don’t have to wear it.” He couldn’t begin to fathom the thought that Mr. White would have remotely wanted this.

“Huh,” zoning back, Walt just sighed as he tucked in his shirt and zipped up his trousers. “Oh,” he looked at his old calculator watch then took it off carelessly dropping it on the floor.  He pulled the present out of his jacket and put it on, looking at it with a fondness that was unexpected to Jesse. He stretched his forearm out in front of his view with a satisfied look on his face causing Jesse to beam in response. “No it looks good. Much better.”

Walt admired it as if it were a trophy.   Yet another victory.  If Jesse could be persuaded, so could Skyler. 


End file.
